Let’s write a list of every single person that’s done you wrong in your life.
Every single person that’s fucked you over. Everyone that’s hurt you.
Now…...we’re going to forgive them….
What’s the usual response??
“No fucken way!”
“You’ve got to be joking!”
“What they did to me is UNFORGIVABLE!!!”
What did they do?
I was bullied at school for the way I looked every single day. I’ve never recovered and it led me to a life of insecurity.
The man I loved with all my heart left me for another woman leaving me broken, shattered and alone.
I was held at knifepoint outside a bar and ever since I’ve been afraid of large crowds and people in general.
Throughout my childhood my Dad never showed me any affection and it felt like I hardly existed.
I lent a good friend a substantial amount of money and they never paid me back.
My son got into a fight and was beaten badly and is now in a wheelchair.
I was raped.
What blocks us from the forgiveness process is Pride.
In common parlance, pride is often thought to be a ‘good thing.’ However if we take a good look at it, we can see that, just like other negative feelings, pride is devoid of love. Consequently, it is essentially destructive.
Pride says - “If I forgive that person it lets them off the hook”
Pride says - “If I forgive that person then they will think I agree with what they did”
Pride says - “If I forgive them then I’m open to it happening again to me”
None of these statements are truth.
Pride says our personal importance grows when we don’t forgive. It makes our opinion more important when we can say, “whatever they did, I will not forgive them. What they did is unforgivable.”
Because of this ‘honour’ we add more fuel to the fire of injustice, and remind ourselves that we cannot forgive.
Guess who is going to suffer and accumulate more and more emotional pain??
Let’s use an emotionally charged example of rape:
One of the most horrible things that someone can have done to them.
I use this as an example because it is such an extreme.
Let’s say someone raped you 10 years ago, and it is true that you were raped.
Right now, it is no longer true. It was your experience, and in that experience someone abused you with violence. You didn’t look for that.
It was nothing personal, because no one does that without being haunted by personal demons.
For whatever reason it happened to you and it can happen to anyone. But by being raped, will you condemn yourself to suffer for the rest of your life?
The rapist is not condemning you to do that. You are the victim, and if you judge yourself and find yourself guilty, for how many years will you punish yourself by not enjoying the most beautiful thing in the world, life?
Sometimes being raped can destroy your confidence for the rest of your life.
Where is the justice?
You are not the rapist, so why should you suffer for the rest of your life for something you didn’t do?
You are not guilty for being raped.
The truth is that, yes, you were raped, but it’s not longer true that you must suffer this experience. That is a choice.
You suffer in shame for many years because the moment is kept alive by your emotional body which makes you the ‘victim.’
Forgiveness will clean the wounds in your emotional body.
You will forgive them not because they deserve to be forgiven, but because you don’t want to suffer and hurt yourself every time you remember what they did to you.
Holding a grudge is your call, you can live your life any way you choose, it’s your dream.
However, if you want to heal, if you want happiness….Forgiveness is not an option, it’s a necessity.
Forgiveness is for your own mental healing. You will forgive because you feel compassion for yourself.
Forgiveness is an act of self-love.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi,
Specialists in Addiction Recovery (including Ice Addiction) and Mental Health at our Addiction Rehab Centre in Melbourne, Australia.